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  1. #1

    A guy walks into a bar......


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    He should have ducked!

  2. #2

  3. #3

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    a guy walked into a bar and walked out with me

  4. #4

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A cowboy walks into a hotel, and asks the clerk if he can have a room, and hands him $150. The clerk says "Yes, sir, I just need to know your name."

    The cowboy looks around, and whispers, "Give me a piece of paper and a pencil".

    The clerk obliges, and the cowboy slowly marks an X on the paper. Then, he looks over his shoulder to make sure no one is looking, and draws a circle around the X.

    The clerk says, "Are you a person who never learned to read or write?"

    The cowboy, says, "Yep, I make my mark"

    "I see that" said the clerk. "I'm curious why did you draw a circle around the x?"

    The cowboy smiled, and said, "We'll I am hoping for some hanky panky tonight, and
    don't want to use my real name"

  5. #5

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A young lady walks into a bar and asks the bartender what his best beer is. The bartender tells her it is old dewy. The young lady say's "i'll have one of them then!"
    She puts it down in one go and within seconds she is out cold on the floor. The bartender moves around the empty bar to help her and notices she has no panties on. As nobody else is in the bar he unzips his pants and gives her a good seeing to. 10 minutes later she comes round and leaves.
    The next day the bartender is talking with a friend at the bar when she comes in again. "Old dewy," she blurts out. The two men watch as she sinks it in one and quickly collapses into a heap on the floor again. Sure enough, she has no panties on and both men take it in turn to have her. 10 minutes later she comes around and leaves.
    The next day the bartender and 10 of his friends are waiting in the bar. In she comes again, "old dewy," she blurts, downing it in one she collapses on the floor as usual.
    All eleven men form a line and have their wicked way with her.
    Next day there are 20 men waiting. In she comes and the barman asks, "old dewy mam?" She looks perplexed and answers "no!" The surprised barman asks if the beer has given her a bad headache. She looks back at him and say's, "no, the beer is lovely.........but it gives me such a terrible pain in the pussy!"

  6. #6

    Smile Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A little fella walks into a bar and stands next to a big fella,
    He orders a beer off the pretty young barmaid,
    The big fella says to the pretty barmaid,"Give me a beer Donkey"
    This happens several times, so the little fella asks the barmaid,
    Excuse me, but why is he calling you donkey?
    And she says,
    "Oh him? Why heehaw heehaw heehaw he always calls me that.

  7. #7

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the fly of his pants. The bartender takes a look at him, a look at the steering wheel, and says "Hey buddy, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

    The pirate response, "Arrr, it's driving me nuts!"

  8. #8

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice.

    "Hey mister! Nice pants!" it says.

    He looks around, doesn’t see anything, and quickly shrugs it off. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice again.

    “Hey mister! Sweet shoes!”

    Again, he looks around, sees nothing but a bartender who is busy attending to other customers. Shaking his head, he sips once more.

    “Hey mister! Cool shirt!”

    He puts down his drink, frustrated at this phantom voice, and signals to the bartender, who comes over.

    “Hey barkeep,” he begins, “what is that high-pitched voice I keep hearing?”

    “Oh, those are the peanuts,” he replies. “They’re complimentary.”

  9. #9

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A guy walks into a bar with a duck and a frog, sets them on the bar and the duck begins to sing. The frog joins in by playing a tiny guitar. They’re jammin’’’’ away and an entrepreneur comes up and offers the guy five grand for the duck. They do the deal and the entrepreneur runs out with the duck. The bartender asks the guy “What the heck did you sell that duck for? It’s got to be worth more than that.” The guy responds “Not really it was just a common duck, but my frog’s a marvelous musician and ventriloquist.”

  10. #10

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

  11. #11

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!” Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

  12. #12

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    That is hilarious!

    A schoolboy walks into a bar and asks the bartender “What does the perfect penis look like?” The bartender responds “Well, maybe I should show you,” and pulls out his penis saying “this is the perfect penis.” At school the next day the boy tells his friends “I know what the perfect penis looks like.” The classmates say “Really, what does it look like?” The boy pulls out his penis and says “Just like this, but a couple of inches shorter.

  13. #13

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

  14. #14

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who is a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

  15. #15

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.

  16. #16

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    That one really stunk up the bar. It was so cheesy! However, M'Lady Boo, I've got a worse one.

    A rope walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The rope leaves, ties himself all unto himself and comes back in and orders a drink. The bartender says "Weren't you just in here?" The rope replies "Frayed knot!"

  17. #17

  18. #18

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

  19. #19

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A guy walks into a bar with an alligator and a 2x4 piece of wood. The bouncer stops him and says, “Whoa partner, you can’t come in here with a dangerous animal like that.” The guy says “No, this alligator ain’t dangerous, he’s very mild mannered and tame. I’ll show you.” The guy hits the alligator in the head with the 2x4, saying “See, even after that, he didn’t try to bite me.” He then proceeds to place his penis in the gator’s mouth, saying “See what I mean ? Would anybody else like to try it?”

    A blonde lady at the bar says “Sure, but can we skip the part where you hit me in the head with the 2x4?”

  20. #20

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......


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    "A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here.'"
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

 

 
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