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Results 41 to 51 of 51
  1. #41

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......


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    A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

    The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

    "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

    The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

    Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

    The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

    "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

  2. #42

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A crate of 2 by 4’s walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey, you’re a crate of lumber!” The crate says, “Yeah, wanna make something of it?”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  3. #43

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A guy sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar. He walks up to her and says, "Where have you been all my life?"

    "Well," she says, "for the first half of it, I wasn’t even born."

  4. #44

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A piano walks into a bar after hours. Bartender says, “Hey, who gave you the keys?”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  5. #45

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A pile of trash walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey, didn’t I throw you out yesterday?”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  6. #46

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A clay pot walks into a bar and says “Give me a whiskey, and make it a double.” Bartender says, “Had a rough day?” The clay pot says, “Yeah, I just got fired.”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  7. #47

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.

    The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?"

    The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."

  8. #48

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A golf club walks into a bar. Bartender says “What’ll you have?” The golf club says, “Just water for me. I’m the designated driver.”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  9. #49

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A bottle of wine walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, we only serve beer here.”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  10. #50

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt.

    The man says "a beer please, and one for the road!"
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  11. #51

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......


    REMOVE AD'S
    A guy walk into a bar with a giraffe, and orders a whiskey for them both, after a few rounds , the giraffe collapses ,and the guy goes to walk out without his long necked buddy
    "hey" shouts the barman, "you can't leave that lyin there"
    The guy turns about and says, "it's not a Lion, It's a giraffe"

 

 
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