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  1. #21

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......


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    An empty bottle walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re already drunk.”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  2. #22
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    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A Russian, An American and a blonde are sitting at the bar and are telling stories.
    The Russian proudly says that Russia was the 1st to space
    The American says that is nothing, the USA was the 1st to the moon,
    The blonde says that is nothing, I am going to the sun in 2 days’ time,
    The Russian and American both look at the blonde and say you can’t go to the sun, you will burn up.
    The blonde looks at both dumb founded and says she is going when it is dark

  3. #23

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A crate of 2 by 4’s walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey, you’re a crate of lumber!” The crate says, “Yeah, wanna make something of it?”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  4. #24

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A piano walks into a bar after hours. Bartender says, “Hey, who gave you the keys?”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  5. #25

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A pile of trash walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey, didn’t I throw you out yesterday?”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  6. #26

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A clay pot walks into a bar and says “Give me a whiskey, and make it a double.” Bartender says, “Had a rough day?” The clay pot says, “Yeah, I just got fired.”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  7. #27

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A golf club walks into a bar. Bartender says “What’ll you have?” The golf club says, “Just water for me. I’m the designated driver.”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  8. #28

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A bottle of wine walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, we only serve beer here.”
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  9. #29

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt.

    The man says "a beer please, and one for the road!"
    'To seek the sacred river Alph......To walk the caves of ice.....To break my fast on honeydew....And drink the milk of paradise....'

  10. #30

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A guy walk into a bar with a giraffe, and orders a whiskey for them both, after a few rounds , the giraffe collapses ,and the guy goes to walk out without his long necked buddy
    "hey" shouts the barman, "you can't leave that lyin there"
    The guy turns about and says, "it's not a Lion, It's a giraffe"

  11. #31

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A bus full of Nuns crushes a cow and falls of a cliff and they all die.

    They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Agustin. He says to them “Sisters, welcome to great Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single line.” And nuns do so.

    St. Agustin turns to the first woman in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a p.nis?”

    Sister Debora responds: “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta…touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…”

    St. Agustin says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” And she did so.

    St. Agustin now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a p.nis?”

    Barbara replies: “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…”

    “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

    Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Agustin sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susanne, why you in hurry? There is no rush!”

    Sister Susanne responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Barbara sticks her ass in it!”

  12. #32

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in Cardiff, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

    'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

    'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    PLEASE NOTE:

    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer

    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

  13. #33

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A man walked into a bar one evening, evoking a gasp from all who were there.The man’s head was extremely undersized in relation to his body. He seemed to not be bothered by it at all.

    He spent great sums of money in the bar treating all the guests to several rounds. The bartender struck up a conversation with the disfigured man and at last the subject came around to the mans deformity. He relayed this story:

    One day, I was out hunting and came upon the strangest sight I had ever beheld. There was this extremely beautiful winged woman pinned under the fallen branch of a tree. I immediately removed the large branch freeing her. She told me she was a fairy and that for saving her she would grant me three wishes. I wished for all the money I could ever want and a large house.

    I was having trouble coming up with the third wish when I looked her up and down and said my third wish was to have hours of passionate sex with her. She said that it was not possible. Trying to compromise, I asked if my third wish could be to just simply grope around on her body for a while. She said that too was impossible. She further stated that I could not touch her but that she could touch me.

    The idea immediately sprang into my mind but my choice of words was my undoing, “How about a little head?!”

  14. #34

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

    It was tense.

  15. #35

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......

    A horse walks into a
    Barman says Why The Long Face?

    If there's no grass on the wicket you can't play cricket
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  16. #36

    Re: A guy walks into a bar......


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    A man walks into a bar and the older bartender asked, “What’ll you have?”

    The man replied, “Soda, Pop.”

 

 
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